This post deserves some history.
At my last appointment, I was 15 weeks pregnant. My midwife measured my uterus and found that I was 18 weeks "big." She gave me all sorts of things to stress about (could be two, could be a tumor, could be off on dates...which I knew wasn't possible, could be increased fluid.....etc.). Then she said, "ok, schedule your ultrasould for 5 weeks from today!....see ya later" WHAT?????! So After 4 weeks (moved up my ultrasound date) of much stress and speculation and stress and crying and prayers and speculation and stress, my ultrasound discovered today that I'm having ONE healthy baby boy. He is a little bit bigger (1 week) then he should be, but, he looked good. There there is no explanation for me feeling like a big fat whale already. Other than, "well...it is your 4th pregnancy" (said in a sarcastic, snotty voice).
I on the other hand was a crying wreck today. I got out of there and realized how nervous I am about having a 4th child. Nervous about giving birth again. Nervous about having a newborn with 3 other children to care for. Relief that I don't have a tumor, or two babies (which would be a blessing), or something wrong with him. I normally am rather un-emotional person, but I let it out, right in the lobby of University of Utah Hospital.
I'm having some really weird emotions about this whole thing. I honestly was hoping there was two babies in there to prove everybody wrong that thought there was only one. And to know for sure that I am done having babies, cuz I really want to be done, but I feel really guilty saying that. Why?....I'm really not sure. Four kids is a blessing. Isn't it enough?
I am extra emotional because of those wonderful hormones. But seriously, being a mom is hard. I think I need a vacation.
Jun 6, 2012
It's a.......
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6 comments:
2 of each, hooray! If I was guaranteed a girl my next, I'd do it in a hearbeat. I'm SOOOOO glad all is healthy and well. You cry all you want girl, you deserve it!!! Don't even think about another one right now. One at a time. Big hugs, I'm so happy for you!!!
Yeah! I think it's probably ok it's not twins. :) You will do great with 4 kids. All you have to do is make it one day at a time when the baby comes and one day is easy. Hang in there!
I am so excited for you! you are a wonderful mother now, and one more will be fine. of course that is what I hear anyways since I only have 3. I was a total ball of worry and emotion with Gabe.
Yay! Congrats! When I started reading I thought you were going to announce that it is twins. Happy for you either way. Oh, and I totally cried whenever and where ever when i was pregnant (come to think of it, i still do...)
PS--in the pic at the top of your blog, your little boy looks JUST like grant!!!
Lisa, I am so glad that everything is good with the baby. I know how you feel except my was she's not growing your way too small something is wrong. I also wished I was have twins (a little) so I could be done. You are going to be a great mom to #4 just like you are to the other 3. Life is a little bit more crazy but a good laugh at life crazy with four. When people ask we are going to have a fifth I just laugh and stare. Because some days it's bring the fifth one on then other oh no we are not having anymore children. Good Luck.
I remember feeling the same way with my fourth pregnancy.
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